


The Gift That Keeps on Vexing

by ivycross



Category: Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: K/S Advent Calendar, M/M, Mirror Universe, bottom!Kirk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-09
Updated: 2012-12-09
Packaged: 2017-11-20 16:38:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 19,096
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/587495
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ivycross/pseuds/ivycross
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It is Solstice and Captain Kirk keeps receiving gifts from a secret admirer. The thing is Kirk doesn't want the gifts or an admirer, because it would be daft to think that there is someone who actually wants him and not his command.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Gift That Keeps on Vexing

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the K/S Advent on Livejournal from this prompt: In the MU, gifts aren't a common occurance unless you have a loved one or are being courted. When Kirk finds a gift in his quarters he thinks it's an assassination attempt. When the gifts keep coming he begins to wonder. 
> 
> Beta read by [Pamdizzle](http://ksarchive.com/viewuser.php?uid=8943), but all mistakes are mine.

 

Captain James Kirk paced in the corridor outside his quarters.  With each pass by his door, he curled and uncurled his fists at his side; he was outraged. He was _livid_. He was dumbfounded and confused and damn near homicidal.

Someone had broken into his quarters.  He had strolled into his cabin after his shift to shower before heading to the rec room for a drink, and to find a date for the night, when he saw _it_ sitting on his desk.  To some, it may have looked like a harmless box wrapped in bright red paper with a large matching ribbon on top, but to any Starfleet Captain worth his salt it was an obvious threat. Any number of suspicious items could be in a box like that and a Captain that was too lazy, stupid or, god forbid, trusting, to suspect something was wrong, deserved neither his command nor his life.

The real issue was how did the box get into his cabin in the first place, and who put it there? Of course, no one saw or heard anything. Though, even if someone had, no one would admit it, knowing that when an empirical Captain gets taken out, everyone moves up another rung on the command latter.  The only thing to do was call in Security, but since Sulu was in charge of that department and Kirk couldn’t trust the ambitious Lieutenant an inch, he had called for Mr. Farrell, his person bodyguard instead.

Kirk knew that Farrell would scan the room for prints and any sign of DNA,  hoping the person responsible could be caught quickly. If there were any threat inside the box, Kirk knew too that Farrell would neutralize it and Kirk could go about his life commanding his ship. Of course, now there was nothing to do but wait, and so wait he did, out in the corridor…pacing.

"You're going to develop TMJ if you keep gritting your teeth like that," a voice drawled.

Kirk squeezed his eyes shut and balled his fists up once again at the sound of Doctor McCoy's voice.  Inhaling slowly and opening his eyes, he addressed the doctor, "Why are you here again?"

He stared at McCoy who was casually leaning against the bulkhead with his arms crossed over his chest and his blue eyes following Kirk's every move.

"I'm bored," he said, smirking at the Captain's growing irritation. Kirk glowered and continued his pacing.

"If you're bored, shouldn't be bothering your patients or something— _anything_ else other than getting on my nerves?"

McCoy made like he was thinking about it and then smiled. "Nope."

Kirk stopped pacing and threw up his arms. "Fine. Stand there if you want. Just keep your mouth shut."

McCoy turned to pout. "Well, that's no fun," he said. Kirk was about to reply when another voice interrupted him.

"Captain?"

Kirk whirled around to face his guard. "Well? What did you find?" He demanded.

 Mr. Farrell shrugged his large shoulders.  "Well, Sir. Nothing."

Kirk shook his head in disbelief. "What do you mean nothing? There had to have been _something_." Kirk watched as Farrell shook his head frowning. 

"I don't get it, Sir. There should be something, and if there had been anything at all to find we would have found it, but your cabin is clean, Sir."

 Kirk took a moment and processed this. "Okay." After a beat, he finally asked, "What was in the box?"

Farrell held out a small, sliver object.  "It's a flask, Sir. There’s nothing in it, nothing on it, no traces of any chemicals anywhere. No organic material. But it does have your initials inscribed on it."

"What?" Kirk made a face and jerked the flask out of his bodyguard's hand.  He stared down at it. Sure enough, the letters JTK were there carved in a heavy stylized script.

From behind him, Kirk heard McCoy remark, "Well isn't that cute?"  Kirk cut the doctor a sideways look before turning his attention back to Mr. Farrell.

"Was there anything else?"

Farrell nodded. "Yeah. There was this note."  He held out a slip of paper for the Captain to take. It had been folded in half and when opened, it read:

_"My Dearest Captain,_

_Please accept this as the first of many tokens of my affection._

_Keeping you in my thoughts throughout the Season._

_Sincerely,_

_Your faithful and besotted servant."_

Kirk gaped at the paper unaware that his mouth had come open.  In front of him Mr. Farrell twisted his mouth uncertain of what else to say, and behind him, Dr. McCoy leered. 

"Besotted? My my, Jim. Someone's got it bad for you."

Ignoring McCoy and finally realizing his mouth was indeed still open, Kirk closed it with a snap and balled the paper up in his hand.  He returned his gaze to Mr. Farrell, holding up the flask.  "And this was all you found?"

He steadied his voice, his mind slipping automatically into captain mode.  Mr. Farrell immediately recognized this and stood to full attention. "Yes, Sir."

Kirk gave a tiny half-smile of approval.  "And you located no threat?"

"That is correct sir."

Kirk nodded. "Excellent work, Mr. Farrell. You will assign two of your men to my door for the remainder of the evening and the rest are dismissed for the night." 

Farrell nodded his understanding and turned to bark orders at the other men that had gathered behind him during his conversation with the Captain.  Kirk looked on, his arms crossed over his chest, the sliver flask and paper still gripped in a hand each.  From where he stood, McCoy observed his captain as the man in the gold bolero watched the scene before him.

"Aren't you curious?" McCoy asked. 

Kirk refused to look at the doctor as he replied, "About what, doctor?"

"Oh, I don't know. The gift? The note? The whole shebang?  You do know there is only one reason anyone gives gifts during Solstice? Aren't you curious to know who’s trying to court you?"

By this time, McCoy had moved into Kirk's field of vision and the Captain held his gaze. "I can't say that I am," He said coolly. 

McCoy raised a brow and huffed. "Really? Well then, I guess we’ll see when you get your next gift."

Kirk's shoulders tightened and his mouth turned into a straight line. "There won't be another gift. Whoever sent this will get the message that I'm not interested and forget any other stupid notions they had. Now excuse me. I'm going to take my shower and, after this debacle, wind down with a drink before bed."

As Kirk pushed past McCoy, he saw the Doctor smirk at him once more as he said, "If you say so, Captain," before heading down the corridor of the ship. Kirk didn't bother to watch him, moving into his cabin instead.  He stopped at his desk where the box still sat, now empty, tissue and wrapping paper tossed about everywhere. 

He sighed, setting down the flask and the note on the desk. He then set about picking up the torn pieces of wrapping and the tissue paper, which he noted were a pretty shade of red that matched the bow and the gift-wrap. 

With his hands full of paper, the thought entered into Kirks' mind that someone had put forth a lot of effort into this. They had picked a nice gift that was both useful and pleasing to the eye. They had made sure that gift wrap, tissue paper and bow all matched and looked tidy. They had even left a note. All to entice him.

For a moment, Kirk frowned. It was a shame that whoever this person was, chose to waste their efforts on him.  One had to trust in order to love, and Kirk had never trust anyone too much or for too long.  That is how he had made it through the academy and how he had taken his command.

To trust was to court death itself, and Kirk had other plans. He hadn't busted his balls to get this far for nothing. One day he was going be Admiral Kirk and use his position of power to the fullest.  He had no desire for anything else except maybe his ship, the Enterprise.

Shaking his head again at how stupid some people could be, he disposed of the trash in the recycler before undressing to take his shower, leaving the flask and the wadded up note abandoned on his desk.

*****

 

"Fancying seeing you here?"

Kirk whipped around, startled at the sound of Doctor McCoy's voice.  He was pacing outside of his cabin yet again, furious that his room had been invaded _again_ , when the doctor snuck up on him. Of course, Kirk would never admit as much—not if he wanted to keep his crew cowering from him in fear.  Kirk cleared his throat and pulled at the hem of his gold vest as he made an attempt to act as if he didn't just jump five miles out of his skin, but McCoy just smiled, his expression telling Kirk that he knew better.

"What do you want?" Kirk asked, giving the Doctor his hardest stare. McCoy seemed to neither notice nor care. 

"I heard that your bodyguard was tearing apart your cabin again, so I assumed our dear Captain received another gift. I guess somebody didn't get the message that you weren't interested?"

Kirk snorted. "Well, it would seem that the ship gossip has been slacking off."

"Hmm. I suppose so. If I see Uhura I'll be sure to her know that you're not happy with her."

Kirk shot McCoy a look that told the doctor that he damn well knew that the Captain was not referring to Lieutenant Uhura.   McCoy just seemed to smile even more.

" So... What is it this time? Flowers? Chocolates? Some sexy shorts?" McCoy waggled his eyebrows and leered at that last remark.  Kirk decided that since the doctor wasn't going to leave him alone he may as well indulge him.

"I don't know. Mr. Farrell hasn’t delivered his report yet," Kirk replied, turning back to face the door of his cabin.   McCoy, thrown that his captain was actually engaging him in conversation, frowned.

"Oh," he said lamely.

This made Kirk smile as the two of them stood in the corridor in silence, which McCoy soon broke.

"Do you think there’s another note?"

"Looks like we’re about to find out," Kirk replied as he saw Mr. Farrell step out of the cabin and walk towards him.

"Well?" Kirk asked tersely. Mr. Farrell just shrugged.

"Same as last night. Everything is clean and you were left a note with these items."  He held out to Kirk a tall pair of black boots and another folded piece of paper.  Kirk blinked in surprise as he took the items from Mr. Farrell's beefy fingers.

"Hey, are those leather?" McCoy asked incredulously.  Kirk ran his fingers over the boots.  He then lifted them up to his nose and sniffed—the scent was unmistakable.

"They're leather alright," he muttered.  He unfolded the note and read the message there, while McCoy leaned over his shoulder to see.

_"To my beloved captain,_

_I know that you often complain of the standard issue boots hurting your feet, so I thought that these would be better suited. It is my fondest desire that they please you._

_As always I remain your faithful and besotted servant."_

This time Kirk did not ball up the note in his fist.  He refolded it and looked back to Mr. Farrell.

"And you found nothing?" He asked sounding skeptical. 

His bodyguard nodded. "No Sir. Nothing. Whoever this is, they’re good at covering their tracks."

Kirk nodded absentmindedly and then looked down at the boots in his hands. "Yes, they are."  He turned his eyes back to Mr. Farrell and with more authority he added, "You know the drill."  

Farrell saluted. "Yes, Sir."

Kirk saluted back and without another word, marched into his cabin.  He groaned as he saw that it was once again covered in gift wrap and tissue paper, this time a lovely shade of green.  A length of matching ribbon was draped around his desk and onto the floor.  Kirk shook his head. Who would go to the trouble of tying a bow when one could easily find them pre-made?

He set the boots down beside his desk, making sure to tuck the note into one before he set about cleaning up the mess.  He heard steps behind him and he turned to see that McCoy had followed him in.

"Are you curious now?"  The doctor's expression held the question out to Kirk. Kirk looked down at the wads of paper in his hands. 

"Does it matter? I just hope for their sake that they move on before they waste any more of their time or money."

McCoy raised an eyebrow and gave his captain an appraising look.  "It's funny that you say they're wasting _their_ time. I figured you would be more upset about them wasting _your_ time." 

Kirk ignored this, busying himself with clearing off his desk.  When he was finally able to see the surface, something glinted in the light of the cabin. It was the flask.  He picked it up and looked at it for a moment.  Not taking his eyes off the flask, he opened his mouth to speak when another voice cut him off.

"Captain? Doctor? I hope I am not interrupting anything?"

Kirk turned and saw the tall and slim figure of his First Officer, Mr. Spock.

McCoy waved a dismissive hand at the Vulcan. "Nah Spock. Just sorting through the mess and making a fuss over the fact the Captain has a secret admirer." 

Kirk rolled his eyes. "You make it sound like we’re a bunch of teenage girls swooning over a note left in my locker."  He watched as McCoy grinned and Spock raised a confused eyebrow.

"So it is true that you are being courted this season?" Spock asked, a hint of mild curiosity tinting his voice.  

Kirk set the flask back down on his desk and crossed his arms over his chest.  "So it would seem,  but the idiot is wasting their time."

Kirk waited, but when Spock said nothing else and he grew tired of watching McCoy make faces, he unfolded his arms and stepped up to the Vulcan. "Do you know anything about this, Spock?" He watched as Spock's eyes widened marginally and both brows shot up.

"Why would _I_ know anything about this, Captain?" Spock asked, this time indignation creeping into his voice.

McCoy scoffed, "Don't take offense, Spock. You know how he gets."

"What do you mean by ‘how he gets’; what are you implying, Doctor?" Kirk narrowed his eyes and bared his teeth as he spoke.

McCoy simply rolled his eyes, but said, "Nothing. Captain."

"That is what I thought," Kirk said with a satisfied sniff.  McCoy took a breath to make a rather scathing comment but thought twice about it.

"Well I would love to stand around here all night exchanging pleasantries with you Captain, but I have work to do this evening.   Good night to you both."  He nodded his head to both Kirk and Mr. Spock and turned to exit the room.

Kirk said nothing as he watched McCoy leave.  He turned back to his desk and removed the last piece of trash. Behind him, he heard Spock say, "There is no evidence as to whom this individual is?"

Kirk sat down in his chair and rubbed his face with his hands.  "None. Whoever they are, they're sneaky and clever. I hate dealing with sneaky and clever people."

Kirk sighed and picked up the flask again.  He Heard Spock's footsteps come closer.  "Do you really believe that this person is wasting their time on courting you, Captain?"   Kirk looked up at the Vulcan, his brow knitted in confusion.

"I have no interest in being courted. I have no desire to be a relationship, especially with someone on this ship. I would have to be incredibly naive to think that someone would genuinely want _me_ and not the chance to take my ship."

Kirk saw Spock nod his head in understanding and he studied his XO for a moment . "You seem overly concerned. Any reason in particular, Mr. Spock? Worried someone might take me out before you do?"

Spock rinsed his chin and gave his captain a very lofty look. "As a matter of fact Captain, no.  As we have discussed before, I have no desire for command of the ship and it actually serves me better to see that no harm comes to you. Hence the reason for my concern."

Kirk smiled. He enjoyed winding the Vulcan up.  "Of course Spock. I'm just jerking your chain." When Spock actually frowned in his puzzlement, Kirk had to bite his lip to keep from laughing.  Once he felt it was safe to try and talk again he gave Spock an almost friendly half-smile.

"Were you busy tonight Spock? I could go for a drink and game of chess."  Kirk waited while the Vulcan seemed to think about it. 

 "There _was_ something I needed to attend to, but it can wait for a bit, I suppose."  Spock's goatee twitched as he almost smiled in return. Kirk outright grinned and stood to fetch the chess board.   "One quick game and we'll call it a night," he called over his shoulder.

Spock simply sat in the chair on the opposite side of the desk, folding his hands in his lap. "If you say so Captain." He answered diplomatically.

******

Kirk jerked awake in his bed and sat up noting that his cabin was pitch black.  He never kept his room this dark. It was easier to shoot at attackers when you could see them. He sat completely still, fighting to control his breathing. From the darkness, he heard  a rustle and he reached under his pillow for his phaser that was no longer there.

"I moved it. I am sorry but I did not want you to shoot me before we could talk."  Kirk twisted in his bed at the sound of the voice,  peering into the darkness to where it seemed to come from, on the other side of his cabin. 

"Who are you? What the fuck are you doing in my quarters?"  As Kirk spoke he leaned toward his nightstand. He remembered that he had left his dagger there as he undressed, yet the only thing his fingers touched was a smooth surface.  There was a sound like a chuckle.

"I took that too. Do not worry, dear Captain. I will give everything back." The intruder’s voice held a rough, mechanical quality, infuriating Kirk that they’d thought to disguise it.  There was another soft rustle of movement and an unwelcomed panic sized Kirk.

"Computer, Lights a hundred percent," Kirk barked, but nothing happened. 

"Computer! I said lights up one hundred percent!"  Kirk felt his breath coming faster as he remained surrounded by  darkness. There was another odd sounding laugh. This time, it sounded a hell of a lot closer.

 “Please forgive me, Captain, but I disabled the computer controls in your room. The darkness better suits my need to preserve anonymity, after all,” the voice cooed.

It was much closer than before and Kirk moved his head, trying to glimpse as much as of the intruder as he could, “Show yourself—that’s an order!”

 There was another rustle of movement followed by another chuckle, “All in good time, Captain."  The voice was right beside his bed and  Kirk moved out from under the covers.  If he had to fight he didn't want to be caught tangled in his bed sheets.  He sat in his uniform pants and waited. There was another awkward laugh and the bed shifted under a new weight.

Kirk raised his fist and threw a punch in that direction.  A gloved hand caught his fist and gave it a gentle squeeze. "Oh, dear Captain. Do you mean to fight me? Come now. That is not why I am here."

Kirk pulled back his fist and was surprised when it was released.  "We both know that's not why you're here, but make no mistake - you may be here to kill me, but I won't go down that easily."

"I should hope not. I would be disappointed in you otherwise. Not to mention angry with myself for having picked such a weak individual for a potential mate."  The weight on the bed shifted from the edge of the bunk closer to where Kirk sat in the center and he went in for a second punch which was also caught and released.

Kirk pulled his arm back in amazement, "It's _you_.  _You're_ the one leaving the gifts. Why?"

"I believe that my intentions were made quite clear," the voice was right at Kirk's ear.  In the darkness, a gloved finger came up and stroked his cheek. In that moment, Kirk’s body was in shock at being the recipient of such a loving gesture. He sat still as it moved down his face to run its way along the line of his jaw and down his neck.

Kirk remained unmoving when the hand pulled away and returned quickly, the gloved gone, with the lightest of touches, caressing his shoulder. It then moved around to his collar bone before coming to a halt at the hallow at the base of his throat. Kirk swallowed hard and the hand was once again removed.

"I understand you feel that I am, quote, wasting my time but please let me assure you, my sweet Captain, that I am not. I am just… _biding_ it. You will come around when you are ready and only then will you know who I am. Until then, I must hide even my voice from you."

Kirk smiled nastily in the dark, "Find someone else to entice—I won’t pity your disappointment. You’re obviously well aware that I have no interest in you or your intentions.”

"I am afraid that is not possible, James." Kirk's breath hitched in his throat at the sound of his name. It had been whispered and though the voice was still being modified, Kirk could hear the unmistakable tones of desire, admiration and devotion.  Below his waist, there was a stirring between his legs.

Kirk inhaled deeply, willing away his arousal when a finger touched his lips.  "What are you...?" He started but the fingers pressed softly, silencing him.

"Shhhh. Please relax and don't speak," the voice intoned as the finger tenderly stroked his lips. It was quite distracting and Kirk found himself fighting the sensation. Finally, he jerked  away from the questing hand. 

"Stop," his voice was full of indignant authority and it reverberated around the room.

There was a pause and then the figure spoke, “Very well. I apologize for my conduct. I had not planned to make physical contact with you."

"And just what _were_ your intentions here?" Kirk had actually pulled the covers back towards his body and he gripped them like a shield.  It seemed that the intruder was aware of this even in the darkness.

The weight on the bed changed and then was gone as the intruder made to stand. "I have overstepped myself. I had merely come here to speak to you and let you know that you are very much worth my time.  I hope that you will soon see this as well. Good night, my dear Captain."

 Kirk heard soft footfalls move away from his bed towards where he knew the door to his quarters to be located. "Hey!" He shouted. "You can’t just come into my quarters, molest me and leave."  He was suddenly blinded as the doors parted to reveal the lit corridors beyond his quarters.  A figure stood silhouetted in the frame, their features hidden by a hood and cloak. Kirk noted that both hands were encased in black gloves.

The front of the hood, which was deep and covered completely the figure's face, turned towards him, “Perhaps then I shall return tomorrow?" 

Kirk gawked at the amusement which was clearly audible even with the use of voice modifiers, "What? _No_ —do not come back here,” Kirk shouted after the figure, “Fuck off and leave me alone!"

The figure paused in the doorway. "You do not mean that. Good night Captain," and, with that, the figure was gone.  Kirk stared at where it the intruder had stood before bolting out of bed. He managed not to trip over anything and opened the door to the corridor.

He stood there, wide-eyed and flushed turning his head this way and that to see where the figure went, but whoever they were, they were gone.  "Goddamnit," he muttered to himself and then looked down to see both of his guards unconscious.  

Leaving the door of his quarters open for a source of light, Kirk made his way to his desk and punched the button on the comm, "Mr. Farrell. I need you at my quarters NOW!"

*****

"So Farrell and his boys show, then what happened?" McCoy dared to ask as he and the Captain walked down to deck five.

 Without slowing his stride Kirk cast a glance at the doctor, "What do you think?"

"They found absolutely nothing and have no idea who this person is," McCoy hazarded a guess.  They had reached Kirk's door.

 "That's right. A big fat fucking nothing and nobody knows anything," Kirk growled as he punched in the code to his quarters.  He shook his head at the absurdity of the situation.  The previous evening, Mr. Farrell and his team had once again scanned Kirk’s and yet again, found no trace of the intruder.

Kirk's two guards that had been posted on his door come around  shortly after and Kirk had ordered an interrogation.  They hadn't  seen anyone. They hadn't heard anything and could not remember what had even knocked them out. Kirk had been so angry by that point he sent them both to the agony booth simply because he wanted to punish somebody.

"What about your computer controls? Did they get fixed?"  Kirk gave McCoy a tired look before hitting the button to open the door.

"Yeah they got fixed. Of course, I had to wake up Mr. Spock to do it.  You know that he looks as put together at three in the morning as he does on the bridge --just in black flannel pajamas instead of his uniform."

McCoy seemed to consider this, "I had always wondered if there was ever a time when he would look unkempt. I guess that answers my question."

They both stepped into the room and Kirk made his way to his desk.  He sighed as he saw sitting on top of it a cheerful looking box in blue gift wrap and ribbon.  

"Another fucking gift," he said as he reached out to hit the button on the COMM to once again summon Mr. Farrell to his room.  Suddenly McCoy reached out a hand and stopped him.

"What are you doing?" Kirk snapped.  McCoy pulled his hand back but gave his captain an intense stare.

"Open it," he said.

Kirk simply stood there, shocked at the suggestion, before uttering a single: " _What_?"

"Open it. Don't call in your guard. Just open the damn thing,"  McCoy whispered.

"Have you lost your mind?" Kirk shouted back.

"No. And I will thank you not to shout. Look, you have already received two gifts and their sender has been in your room. I think if they were going to kill you they would have done so, don't you?"

Kirk shook head, "No and I will damn well shout if I want to." He raised his voice for emphasis making McCoy step back. 

Kirk took a breath and continued, "Whoever this is, is probably hoping I’ll do exactly that. That I’ll be thrown off, lured into a false sense of security. Lead me to think that everything is okay and the next thing you know my corpse is being shoved out an airlock while someone else takes over my ship."

McCoy frowned, "You sure are a suspicious-minded little thing."   This comment made Kirk stare at the doctor dumbfounded.

" Yes, as a matter of fact, something which has served me well over the years. Thank you very much."

McCoy shrugged, "Fine. You don't have to open it."

Kirk sighed and reached again to the switch on the COMM, "Thank you, Doctor."

"I'll open it." 

"Wait, What?" Kirk said as he watched McCoy reach over the desk and pick up the bright blue box.  Kirk immediately snatched it from the doctor and shot him a very angry look.

"You can't open it," Kirk stated. McCoy crossed his arms over his chest and scowled. 

"And just why not?" He asked.

Kirk held the box close to him and frowned. _Because it's mine, you old bat!_ Is what he wanted to say but instead, he choose, "Because it is still dangerous and I'm still in the room with you. It could be a bomb you dummy."

"Fine. I'll take it to my quarters and open it." McCoy reached for the box in Kirk's arms but the captain pulled back. 

"Well, wait a minute. What if's not dangerous? You'll bring back, right?" Kirk questioned dubiously.

McCoy made a face and snorted, "Uh no.  Whatever it is, I'm keeping it. You said yourself that you want this person to take the hint and leave you alone. What better way to get the message across then to give whatever they gave you away? I'll keep it and they'll get the hint and you won't be bothered anymore. I mean, it's not like you've been doing that great of a job making yourself clear."

"What's that suppose to mean? I told them last night to fuck off and leave me alone. I don't think I could have been any clearer,"  Kirk argued.

McCoy gave Kirk a condensing smile. "Of course. By the way, nice boots," he drawled.

Kirk looked down and then back up. "So I'm wearing the boots they gave me. Big Deal."

" You don't think that sends the wrong message?" McCoy smiled some more.  Kirk pouted giving McCoy an evil glare.

"No. It just means that I'm wearing the boots. Why shouldn't I? They were a gift and besides they _are_ really nice. They don't hurt my feet, they look really good, and they're genuine leather."  Kirk pretended that he was not hearing the whine creeping into his voice.

McCoy held up his hands. "All right, all right. You win. Now are you going to open that thing or not?" 

Kirk looked from McCoy to the box in his arms and sighed, "Fine, but if I'm about to die then so are you."

"If that will make you feel better, fine. Do you need me to hold your hand while you do this?"

"Don't know. It depends if you need me to punch out your teeth?" Kirk had said this seriously but his words just made McCoy laugh,

"Calm down. Now open the damned box."

Kirk shot the doctor one last dirty look before setting the box back on the desk. Slowly, he pulled at the ribbon and the wrap, listening to the doctor huff impatiently. He pulled the lid off the box and pushed aside the blue colored tissue paper. 

"What is it?" McCoy hissed behind him. Kirk reached in a pulled out a pair of heather gray lounge pants.  

He turned and held them up for the Doctor’s inspection. "They're pants," he said, not sure what to think.

McCoy took a leg in his hands and rubbed the material.  "They're really fucking nice pants," he amended. Kirk also rubbed the cloth with his fingers and marveled at how soft it was. He had never felt anything this soft -- not even as child. His father had never gone in for cushy things and didn't think his two sons should have either.

Kirk turned his head to peer back into the box and found what he was looking for nestled in the remaining tissue paper.  He reached behind him and retrieved the note. He turned back to McCoy who had raised one the leg of the pants to his face and was currently rubbing it against his cheek.

"Hey!" Kirk yanked the pants out of McCoy's hand. He balled the pants in his arms and tucked it close to him while he unfolded the note, making sure to ignore McCoy's grin.

" _My Sweet Captain,_

_I want you to know that I enjoyed our time together last night, even if I did conduct myself poorly. I can only hope that you will forgive me and accept this, my latest gift to you. I noticed that you sleep in your regulation trousers.  I find this to be unacceptable and think that you will sleep better in these._

_As ever I remain your faithful and besotted servant."_

Kirk stared at the note and the strangest thing happened: he felt himself begin to blush. Before he could marvel at it further, McCoy’s voice sounded beside him.

"You sleep in your uniform?"  McCoy's expression was disbelieving.

"No. Not all of it anyway, just the pants." Seeing that the doctor's face hadn't changed he added, "It makes sense. If something happens, I don't want to be stumbling around trying to get dressed. Will you stop looking at me like that?"

McCoy turned his head to one side making no effort to hide his amusement. "Better?" He was practically giggling. 

Kirk growled, "No."  

He then looked back at the note in his hand. So his admirer felt bad about getting fresh with him? It made Kirk wonder which member of his crew he was dealing with.  As Kirk pondered how he could best find out who was behind this, McCoy chirped in interrupt his thoughts, "You know for a romantic, this person is kind of dull."  

"What do you mean?"

McCoy gestured to the pants in Kirk's arms, "You're trying to court someone, are you going to give the comfy pants and boots?"

"Well, _I_ wouldn't," Kirk admitted.

"Exactly. This person, whoever they are, has good taste but in all the wrong things. Where's the jewelry, the scented oils, the sexy undergarments?"

"Doctor? Could you please tell me at what point you started to think my dick had fallen off and I became a woman?"  Kirk asked.

McCoy just smiled, "From the moment I met you princess, but seriously, someone is trying to woo you and they're giving you boring gifts. No wonder you're not interested."

"They're not boring. They're nice yet practical," Kirk said before he could stop himself. McCoy's eyes widened as he grinned wildly.

"You're defending them. Hah! I think maybe you're starting to like your little admirer."

The blush that had started with the note had taken on a  life of its own. Kirk's face now beet red, he was no longer able to take the embarrassment. He huffed, set the pants down on his desk and took McCoy by the shoulders shoving him toward the door.

"Okay, that's it. You. Out. Now!"

"Oh, don't be like that Captain. I'm just having a little fun with you," McCoy said his mocking grin becoming wider by the minute. 

 "Well _I'm_ not having any fun, so get out." Kirk shoved McCoy out the door of his cabin and glared.

McCoy stumbled but remained upright and laughing.

"You will tell me if your sweetie shows up tonight, won't you? Things have been too dull around this ship."  And before Kirk could think to pull out his phaser and shoot him, the doctor was down the corridor.

"Stupid redneck," Kirk muttered under his breath. He turned to go back into his room when the he caught sight of Mr. Spock coming down the hall. Kirk smiled and leaned against the doorframe.

 "Evening Mr. Spock. Have you been cooped up the labs since the end of your shift? You shouldn't work so hard. It's not healthy, you know?"

He watched the Vulcan raise an eyebrow as he approached, stopping before him with his arms behind his back.  "Captain, I will have you know that I find my work in the labs to be relaxing and a necessary respite after my shift has ended."

Kirk nodded still smiling, "Of course. Speaking of relaxing, are you busy? I just had a trying experience with McCoy and I could do with some intelligent conversation to help me wind down for the night." Kirk watched as Spock appeared to think about his offer, but then the Vulcan shook his head.

 "I regret that I have to decline, Captain. I have things I must attend to before I myself turn in. Another evening, perhaps?"

Kirk tried to smile again, but it was harder to do this time. "Another evening then. Good night, Spock." He didn't bother to wait for the reply before he went back into his cabin and shut the door.  Sighing, Kirk decided that what he needed was a shower and maybe a drink. 

He pulled off his boots and placed them lovingly down beside his desk.  He finished undressing as he made his way to the fresher.  Once h his shower was complete,  Kirk started to put his uniform back on when he spied his most recent gift sitting on top of his desk.  Looking around guiltily and forgoing the uniform, Kirk slipped on the heather gray pants , almost melting on the spot.

He did not care what McCoy thought. Whoever this person was they knew the way to a man's heart. It  was through comfortable clothes.

The boots were a delight to wear. They were so comfortable, he had been pleasant towards everyone on the bridge that day, even to Sulu and Chekov, which had made everyone uneasy. That, of course, made Kirk even happier.

Now these pants. These were the pants of the gods.  _This must be what the Caesar sleeps in._  Kirk sat at his desk contently rubbing his palms over his thighs.  He let his thoughts wonder as he took in the feel of the cloth under his fingers.

Then standing up to get a drink, he decided that tonight would be a good night to relax alone.  Drink in hand, Kirk went back to his desk and pulled out his personal PADD which contained a library of his favorite books.   Humming to himself he carried it and his drink to his bunk to steal a moment for himself.

*****

 

There was a rustle of cloth and though he did not jerk awake like last time, Kirk was still startled to find the hooded and cloaked figure sitting at the end of his bed, gloved hands folded neatly in their lap.  Sitting up, he scooted back against his headboard.

"Hello again," he said as the figure turn towards him.

"Good evening, Captain. I trust you are well."

Kirk snorted. "I would be better if I was sleep and not being stalked."  

There was a movement of the hood as if the figure was nodding their head.  "Yes, and I will not stay long. I just wanted to say how pleased I was to see you wear the boots I gave you. I take it they fit and were to your liking?"

Kirk studied the figure for a moment before he answered. They left his lights alone this time, so in the dim gloom Kirk could see the figure, but there was nothing noteworthy about them. They wore black boots, black gloves, black pants, a black shirt and was covered with the hooded cloak, which was black.  The voice was scrambled again as well so that ever word rang with a hollow tinny sound.

"I do like them and they fit perfectly, but you really need to get it through your head that I am _not_ taking you up on any proposals or propositions. You gave me boots and I like them. That is it."

"And the lounge pants?  I noticed you are wearing them."

Kirk bit his lip before saying, "I like them too, but it still doesn't mean _anything_."  The figure seemed to watch him for a moment.

"But you do like them, yes?" There was a particular tone to the voice; one that suggested the figure was hoping or searching for any crumb of approval. For some reason, it brought a slight smile to Kirk’s face.

“Yes, I do,” he replied.

There was a sound from under the hood that Kirk thought sounded like purring, but the voice scrambler made it impossible to discern.   He shook his head and said,  "Look what do you really want? I have pull, you know? I can give you anything you want. I can get you a promotion, see you get higher pay, or maybe find you someone else on the ship to be _besotted_ with. Just tell me and we can work something out."

There was a tisk from under the hood and it moved indicating that the person was shaking their head.  "James," Kirk shivered as he heard his name, "You do not seem to understand. I do not want money or position or another person. I want you. I want all of you, completely and wholly. I have picked you to be my mate and I am afraid that no one else will suffice."

Kirk sighed, his shoulders sagging, "Look, there has got to be a mistake -- I'm not fit to be anyone's  mate.  I can run my ship, I play a good game of chess and I have been told I'm damn good in bed, but you seem to want a companion and that's not me. You will just have to find someone else and that's that."

There was a pause where it seemed the figure was thinking. "What are you afraid of, Captain?"

"Nothing," Kirk said, his voice like iron and the lower part of his jaw thrust out.  He leaned in towards the figure, staring at it hard, to prove his point.

"Yet you have issues with trust.  The inability to trust is a sign of fear.  So I ask again, what are you afraid of?"

Kirk reached out and grabbed the edge of the figure's cloak and made his face level with the opening of the hood.

"Now you listen to me. James Tiberius Kirk is afraid of nothing or no man.  You've got some fucking nerve coming into my cabin and making remarks like that."

There was a stillness in the room while Kirk waited for the figure to react, to move, to say something, but they sat completely.  He stared at the hood, his murderous expression morphing to one of confusion.

 "Who are you?" he whispered.

"The one that wants nothing more than to win your trust and your heart," The figure replied.  Kirk shoved the figure hard as he fell back on the bed. 

"What's so great about trust? It makes people weak and stupid. Christopher Pike trusted me and you know where he is? He's dead because I was able to use that trust to get close enough one night to stick my dagger in him.  That's what happens when you trust."

Kirk scrubbed his face with his hands and brought his knees up to his chest.  The figure did not move or speak, but they too shifted their position bringing themselves closer to him.

Kirk thought they might try to touch him, but they made no such move.  Kirk folded his arms over his knees, suddenly replaying in his mind Pike's death, seeing the one good eye the other captain widened in surprise over and over.  Kirk closed his eyes and exhaled noisily.

"There must be someone you trust?" The figure asked breaking the spell Kirk's memory had cast upon him. 

Kirk opened his eyes, "No. there isn't."

"What of the doctor?"

Kirk made a quiet sound that could have been a laugh. "I trust him to get on my nerves and raise my blood pressure."

"But you are not threatened by him," the figured pressed

Now Kirk did laugh. "By McCoy? That is rich. No. I'm not threatened by him. He would be bored if something ever happened to me."

"What of the Vulcan?" It asked.

 Kirk narrowed his eyes. "What of him?"

"You seem to spend a good amount of your time with him.  It would seem that you trust him if you invite him into your personal life?"

"It's not like that. It's not that I trust him. I just know that he's too wrapped up in his work to want my job. Besides, he's nice to talk to. He's intelligent and can play chess. He knows what I'm talking about when I mention a book I'm reading or song I heard..." Kirk trailed off before continuing.

"Look, I don't know who you have to deal with, but I deal with everyone on this ship. That's over four hundred people and most of them don't like me. Not because of something I did to them personally but because I just happen to be captain and that's what everyone wants. My job.  Nobody sees anyone else as crew or team members. We're all just stepping stones to each other and out of all that bullshit I have two people out of four hundred that I know won't try to kill me first chance they get. Not because they like me or anything but because it suits their needs that I stay where I am.  So you talk about trust on an imperial starship and I'm left wondering if there isn't something wrong with you because it doesn't exist and you're a fool if you think otherwise."

Kirk lowered his knees suddenly feeling very tired. The figure reached out a hand and slowly touched Kirk's cheek.   Kirk turned his head away and the hand fell back.   The weight on the bed changed and Kirk looked to see the figure standing up to leave.  "I am sorry. I seem to have upset you and overstayed my welcome. I will leave and allow you to sleep."

Kirk said nothing as he watched them go. He didn't even bother to get up and look to see where they went or if the guards outside his door saw anything.  He flopped back  onto his bed and stared at the ceiling, wondering just what he was going to do.

He laid there and replayed what had just happened and was horrified. While the figure had been there he didn't bother trying to attack it or even look for his phaser. He just sat there with this stranger and gave them insight into his life.  He heard McCoy in his head mocking him.

_"I think maybe you're starting to like your little admirer."_

Kirk thought that maybe the doctor was right and that was a mistake. A huge one but this person was doing something that really no one else had bothered with before. They were trying to pursue him, not for sex, (even though Kirk was sure that would come up eventually), not for his position or for what they could get out of him, but because he was worth their time.

 Because they thought that somehow he would make a good partner in life. It was the daftest thing he had ever heard of and it made him wish for the stupidest things, like for it be true. That he could have someone to trust. That there was someone out there that wanted to be with him, that would give him a pair of nice boots and tell him he was worth it.

He covered his eyes with his hands and blew out a breath. He could not believe himself and could feel his face redden with shame.  _This has to stop._ Kirk thought to himself.  He rolled over in the bed and tried to go back to sleep. 

He slipped a hand under his pillow and felt his phaser there.  That alone calmed his nerves.  He felt the pulls of sleep and as he nodded off his mind nagged at him that his admirer was somehow very familiar to him.

*****

 

The chimes of his alarm roused Kirk from his sleep and he sat up in the bed, glaring at the world around him for existing too early in the damn morning.  He stretched and yawned, taking the time to scratch himself freely, before deciding that the known galaxy wasn't going to conquer itself. He slipped out his bunk and that action reminded him how incredible his new sleepwear felt.

Kirk stood briefly, running his hands over his thighs, still marveling at the softness of his new sleepwear, and then he reached out with a hand, to hit a button on the replicator near his bed. He smiled as the little door came up revealing  one cup of black coffee.  Kirk drank it in one go and then  shook his head clearing the cobwebs of sleep from his brain.  Despite last night's little upset, Kirk actually felt great and he continued to smile as he round the corner towards the fresher.

There he splashed water on his face, brushed his teeth and styled his hair. Afterwards he smiled some more and winked into the mirror. "You handsome devil. No wonder you have crewmen on your ship chasing you with gifts," he laughed as he stepped out of the fresher and dressed whistling a cheerily little tune while he tied his sash about his waist.

He continued to whistle while he moved over to his desk to put on his boots, but he stopped whistling when he saw the plain white box with gold ribbon waiting for him.  Kirk stared at it, his mind working frantically. Had that been left by the figure before they left and Kirk did not see or had they come back into his quarter's after he had gone back to sleep? 

Kirk shut his eyes and grimaced, suddenly feeling very stupid. Why was he so cheerful? There was someone on his ship that was a threat to him. They knew how to get into his room at any time, leave no trace of being there and he was fucking whistling?

Oh sure, they said that they meant him no harm now, but what if that changed? Kirk remembered Ruth and how she had tried to hit with an aircar a week after telling him that she loved him and do anything for him. Of course, he told her at the time that what  she could was put her clothes back on and leave, but still the crazy bitch tried to kill him and she had supposedly loved him. Who was to say that this would be any different?

Kirk sat in the chair at his desk and watched the box morosely . Finally, no longer able to resist not knowing what was inside, he tore the ribbon off with no ceremony and threw open the lid. The first thing he saw was a pair of white cotton gloves with a note pin to them: _You will need these._

 Kirk picked up the gloves gingerly and set them down on the desk before he started to pick at the white tissue paper. Nestled down in the paper to Kirk's wonder and amazement was a book.  A _real_ book, made of leather and paper,  the red cover faded and worn around the edges, but the the lettering still legible.

Kirk stared down at it and held his breath as he reached down to touch it.  His fingers just barely touched the surface of the book,  when he remembered the gloves and put them on before he carefully and tenderly lifted the book up for his inspection.

It was his favorite, _Paradise Lost_ by John Milton. He marveled at it and took note of how there was an angel done in gold leafing  on the cover, it's form curled around the P in the title.  He quickly flipped open to the inside and located the copyright:  1841.

"Sweet Caesar on a pogo stick," he whispered completely stunned.  Slowly and with care he turned the pages.  The binding was worn but all the pages were there including  all fifty of the original illustrations.   He set down the book and studied it forlornly before his door buzzed. It opened with a whoosh and Kirk watched his first officer enter the room.

"Captain,  it is currently fifteen past the hour and I am going to assume that since you are still in your quarters you have not eaten.  I know that you have instructed me on several occasions to  mind my own business,  but I have noticed that when  you do not eat properly you are even more difficult to deal with than usual, due to your low blood sugar. With that said,  I ask that you indulge me this once and go have breakfast.  Because as much as I would enjoy watching you make a fool of yourself on the bridge by threatening to have Mr. Chekov fed to wild tribbles before passing out, we are meeting with the ruling council of Beta Corm 26 and they will be quite displeased if you are less than polite while on the planet's surface."

Kirk looked into Mr. Spock's impassive face and pulling off the gloves he threw them down on the table, before marching out of the room, pushing past Spock without a word.  He made his way down the corridor towards the lift feeling the Vulcan no more than a step behind him the whole way.   Once in the lift, he ordered the computer to take him directly him to the bridge.  Spock had just managed to step into the lift before the door shut on him and now Kirk could feel the dark eyes apprising him.

"You are not eating, Captain?"

 Kirk kept his gaze ahead of him as he replied, "No, there isn't time. Besides, I'm not hungry and I do _not_ have low blood sugar."  From the corner of his eyes Kirk saw Spock give a slow nod.

"Of course, Captain. How foolish of me to mention it when you have made it clear to both the doctor and myself that you do not suffer that particular aliment.  I will point out though, you seem more irritable than normal this morning.  May I inquiry as to what is troubling you?"

Kirk looked at his first officer and narrowed his eyes. "I don't think that is any of your concern," He said curtly.

Spock seemed to think on this and then said, "Perhaps not, but it is my job to see that you are able to do your job or we both get the ax and not figuratively."

Kirk opened his mouth to chew the Vulcan a new one but he stopped and let out a sigh instead.  "I'm only saying this to you because I know that you will actually listen and maybe even give me some advice."  Kirk saw  the Vulcan raise a surprised eyebrow but when he said nothing Kirk continued.

"I seem to be letting this Solstice courting garbage get to me. What is worse, it seems to affecting my judgment. I have to make this stop but I'm at a loss to do so, short of shooting the individual."

Spock frowned at this, his brow furrowing as he reached for the controls, stopping the lift.  Kirk's hand immediately went to the phaser at his hip, tensing his body to strike.  Spock placed his own hands behind his back as he addressed Kirk.

"Relax Captain. I merely wanted to speak to you without being interrupted. You seem quite upset over this, but I cannot think as to why. For as long as I have known you, you have always welcomed attention, flattery and gifts.  I would have figured that you would be quite pleased with this person since they are offering you all the above." 

Kirk scowled and looked at the floor of the lift. "I'm not that bad, besides who knows what this person's actual motives are.  I just don't trust any of it."

"Do they have to have an ulterior motive, Captain?" Spock asked, tilting his head to one side.

Kirk turned his head to look at Spock and waited to see if he could see the tiny twitch of muscles around the Vulcan's mouth and goatee that were a dead giveaway that Spock was trying to be funny.   When he didn't see it he said, "Come off it Spock. That would mean that this... idiot has actual feelings for me and that is..." Kirk's words died off.

Spock blinked a couple of times before he said, "Why is this such a ridiculous notion to you? You have many characteristics that one would desire in a potential mate. You are handsome, charming, intelligent, tenacious, goal orientated and rumor on the ship is that you are well versed in the sensual arts."

Kirk leered at the Vulcan, "You mean that I'm a great fuck, Spock?"  It was all Kirk could do to not laugh at the expression that passed over Spock's face.   He did his best to suppress a chuckle before continuing.

 "Okay. So, supposedly I'm a catch, but once you get past all that what you have left is a suspicious, selfish, crass, vain asshole and who would want that?" As he spoke, Kirk's tone started to soften and he looked once again at the floor.

"Captain." The sound of Spock's voice broke through Kirk's thoughts and he looked up into the sable eyes that seemed to peering back him with not quite concern, but something very close.

"Forgive me for saying so, but it almost seem as if you do not find yourself worthy of another's affection."

This Kirk snapped to attention. He turned on his heels and pointed a finger in the Vulcan's face.  "Now you listen to me Mister. I am Captain James T. Kirk.  I don't need to worry about being worthy, because I don't need or want someone to cuddle me.  I have my ship, I have my command and that is all I need. Now, unless you have something useful to say, I suggest you keep your mouth shut or you'll be eating your agonizer."

Spock looked at the finger in his face and narrowed his eyes.  "Very well, Captain," He said before commanding the lift to start again.  In the next few seconds it stopped once more, this time its doors opening to the bridge. Kirk, with a bit more swagger than was needed made his way to the center seat, while Spock calmly made his way to the science station.

Perched on the edge of his chair, Kirk started to bark out orders to everyone on the bridge. It wasn't long before they were orbiting around Beta Corm 26 and Scotty was making the arrangements in the transporter room to beam down the landing party. Of course, not before Kirk advised Mr. Chekov that he would be tossed to the test tribbles in the labs if he didn't straighten up and Mr. Sulu would be joining him since they were such good friends. He also stated that if Uhura rolled her eyes at him one more time he would knock them out of her skull. He then proceeded to rant about why did _he_ had to be stuck with the most incompetent and insubordinate crew in history of the empire.

When Kirk's eyes finally rolled back in his head and he hit the floor, no one moved.  Mr. Spock from his chair frowned before moving over to the captain's chair, carefully stepping over Kirk and hitting the button on the arm to COMM Dr McCoy, advising the good doctor to come to the bridge at once with a glass of orange juice and a sandwich.

*****

Kirk winced as he touched the knot on the back of his head from where he had hit it that morning and sighed for  at least the hundredth time that day as he crossed the threshold into his room.  Dragging his feet over to his desk, he removed his boots, actively not looking at the book he received that morning.  This had started off as a great day.  _What happened_? He wondered to himself.

First, there had been book, a stunning gift that had to have cost the giver a shiny credit or two. The flask had been fine, the boots  great and the pants perfect, the book was too much. He couldn't justify it in his mind since the ugly part of his brain kept telling him that he didn't deserve it.

Then there had been Mr. Spock's insightfulness in the lift and then there was the act of passing out on the bridge, (which had nothing to do with his blood sugar. It was surely something else and if McCoy couldn't figure out, then he was truly a piss-poor doctor.)

Then there had been the meeting with the ruling council on the planet.  They we just there to collect tribute but the council insisted that he and Mr. Spock stay for lunch. The lunch they had served had been made with a type of mud, which Spock had explained to Kirk,  was a delicacy on their planet.

Kirk had made his way through the first course, before the he started to feel ill. When questioned about this  Spock merely explained to the council that it was part or Kirk's Solstice practices to limit the amount of decadent foods he consumed during the season. That had seemed to please their hosts and Kirk was offered a nice simple broth which tasted of chicken.

It would turn out though, that the people Beta Corm 26 were very much into the Solstice, letting Kirk and his first officer know that it would be an honor for them to attend the traditional masquerade ball at the High Chancellor's mansion. Kirk had done his best to smile politely and let the council know that while they were honored, they would not be able to make it.

It was only after he beamed back aboard the ship, where he  promptly threw up the mud and broth,   and was screamed at by Admiral Komack for close to an hour about how Kirk _would_ be attending that ball or so help him, he would have Kirk's ass in a sling, that Kirk quickly messaged  the High Chancellor with the good that he would be able to attend after all and boy was he excited.  

McCoy had openly sniggered at him there in conference room, till Kirk informed him that at least two officers had to be in attendance and since Spock was obligated to live in the labs, the doctor would be joining Kirk for the merry making.  Kirk smiled with satisfaction as he watched McCoy's shoulders  drop and the doctor grumble under his breath about how he would rather use old fashioned hypodermic needles to gouge out his eyes.   That had made Kirk feel a little better but not enough and it did not last since he was back to feeling  sullen as he stepped out conference room leaving the doctor to his moaning.

For the rest of the night Kirk sulked on the observation deck where he knew he would be left alone. Now, sitting in his room, tired and still a little nauseous from earlier, he reached back once more to touch the knot on his head, remembering McCoy's mocking smile as he thrust a glass of OJ at him while muttering that he was an idiot.   Kirk dropped his hand in his lap, glowering  and spied a stack of reports on his desk that his yeoman must have left while he had been down on the planet's surface.  Without any thought, and to see if it would make him feel better, Kirk took the back of his hand and knocked over the stack on to the floor.

The colored disks scatted and Kirk stared down at them, realizing that not only was he _still_ in a crappy mood, he had a mess to clean up now too.  Swearing under his breath, he picked up the colored disks, making the effort to stack them back neatly on the desk.  As he did this he reflected on everything that happened and found  he was very angry.

 He was angry at McCoy and his mockery. He was angry at his admirer for their dogged pursuit of him. He was angry with his first officer for his thoughtless comments. He was even more angry at Spock because in the back of Kirk's mind he knew that the Vulcan was right.  More than anyone else though, he was angry with himself, for letting this person get to him.

Once he had replaced the reports back in neat order on his desk, Kirk took to cleaning off the remains of that morning's gift.  He took the book and placed it in his locked cabinet, knowing it would be safe there till he could figure out what to do with it.  Then he set about plucking pieces of gift wrap and tissue paper off the desk, the act of cleaning having a calming effect on him.  _I guess I just need to stay busy,_  he thought.

As he removed the last few pieces of trash he discovered that there was another box underneath everything waiting for him. Kirk lifted a eyebrow certain that it had not been there that morning.  It was larger than the others had been, the bow on it sliver with the wrapping a shimmering purple. 

Kirk's first thought was to toss out in the corridor and fire at it with his phaser, rendering it to pile of ash, but he couldn't bring himself to do it.  He wanted to open the box. His curiosity was begging him to open the box, his stubbornness told him that it would be a show of weakness to let people know how much this got to him , but mainly it was because, like Spock said, ( _Damn him and his pointed ears_ ), Kirk loved gifts. He tore into the wrapping and under the lid was a simple folded piece of paper.

" _Dearest Captain,_

_Tomorrow night is the Beta Crom 26's annual masquerade ball in honor of the Solstice. The people of Beta Crom 26 take this holiday very seriously but the ball is their time to let loose and celebrate the season. I know that you have to be in attendance, but I also know that  you will wear your uniform and not actually try to find a costume or for that matter anything nice to wear. "_

Kirk stopped and thought about this. Yeah, that sounded about right, since Kirk had no intentions of looking for something else to wear, since he was being forced to attend in the first place. He turned from his musing back to the note.

" _This is my final gift to you before we meet. I ask that you wear it to the ball. I think you will find it to be comfortable and  I have always wondered what you would look like in blue. I will be attending the ball as well.  If I see you wearing you gift I will know that you have taken my advances in consideration and I will make myself known to you. If not then I will know that you are truly not interested and I will bother you no more. It is my fondest desire that you accept my gift and me in turn.  Till tomorrow evening I will hold you in my thoughts and long for you to be in my embrace._

_As ever_

_Your faithful and besotted servant._

Kirk frowned at the note before putting it down on the desk and examining this gift. This time the gift was made up several pieces and each one was carefully wrapped in tissue paper separately. Kirk took everything to his bunk and laid out each piece one by one. He gawked wide eyed at the gift as a whole and fumed.  "Fuck!  Now what, Kirk?" He muttered under his breath. He now had a decision to make and he didn't like how things were looking.

*****

As he entered the transporter room, the first thing Kirk saw was McCoy's blue eyes glaring at him. "For fucks sake.  Could you have taken any longer to get dressed and get in here? I've been waiting over twenty minutes, you fucking peacock."

Kirk smiled and causally strolled into the room,  hands buried in the pockets of his black pea coat, a simple linen bag over one shoulder.  He gave the doctor a once over,  taking in the black pants, the white ruffled blouse, and the black domino mask that the doctor held in one hand and made a note to himself that when he wanted to, Dr. McCoy could be a bit of peacock himself

"You look nice," Kirk said conversationally which took McCoy completely off guard.

 "Uh, thank you," the doctor replied and Kirk enjoyed the awkward shade of pink McCoy was now turning.  Kirk stepped onto the transported pad and stood waiting for Lieutenant Kyle to fumble with the controls.  To his left he watched McCoy shrug into a tweed jacket.  They had been told to dress warmly since they would not be beamed directly into mansion but on the grounds outside the main entrance. Mr. Farrell and the rest of Kirk's security team were already down on the surface to sniff out any potential threats that might await them.

Lieutenant Kyle signaled to them that he was ready and Kirk gave a nod. He closed his eyes, feeling the familiar tingle of the beam down.  In no more than second his body felt the bite of cold air and his eyes opened to take in open moonlit grounds of the High Chancellor's mansion. Before him was Mr. Farrell in a standard red tunic with a black cap covering his bald head.

"The grounds are clear, Sir and they are waiting your arrival," Farrell said while saluting and Kirk simply nodded before turning to McCoy.  "Shall we, Doctor?"

McCoy snorted,  "Lead the way, princess."  Kirk made no reply to this. He wasn't in the mood, so he merely took to walking up the wide gravel path through the grounds, with his security detail surround him.

The High Chancellor's mansion was pretty much what he expected, so he didn't bother to stop and admire it as they approach, but rather bounded up the main stairs announcing himself to the man at the door.  Once inside he and the doctor were shown to a small atrium where a young man stood waiting to collect their coats.

Mr. Farrell once again stood in front of Kirk. "Sir, we have not checked the food and drink yet, would you like for us to do so now?"

Kirk eyed him gravely. "Well, since I would like to both eat and drink while I am here and I would rather not wait for you to run the test, it would be best if you did so now," Kirk said the bite of his tone making his bodyguard wince.  Mr. Farrell saluted and was gone.

"Aren't you going to take off your coat, Jim?" Kirk turned to see McCoy handing his jacket to the young man.  Kirk hesitated and realized too late that the doctor noticed. 

"What's up with you?" McCoy said giving him an appraising look. 

"Nothing," Kirk said too quickly, while making no move to remove his coat.

McCoy arched one eyebrow and took his captain by the shoulders.  "Excuse us," He said to the collector of coats and pushed Kirk into side room. 

"Alright, what is going on with you?"  McCoy peered hard into the Kirk's face.  Kirk squared his shoulders and started to push past McCoy, but he forgot that when he wanted to be,  the doctor could be as immoveable as a brick wall.  So, he crossed his arms over his chest with McCoy doing the same and the two simply glared at one another.

"You know, if you keep staring at me like this, I might try to kiss you," McCoy said as he gave a tiny half smile.

Kirk rolled his eyes and said, "If I let you do that will you move out of my way?"

"Nope," McCoy said shaking his head slowly.  Kirk thought to scream and punch the doctor in his face, but he paused when he realized that those hard blue eyes were softening with concern, just like Spock's had in the lift. It then dawned on Kirk that for the first time since his brother had passed,  there were people that might actually care about him. This was both a comforting and a disturbing notion.

Kirk ran a hand through his hair, careful not to mess his mane, and frowned. "It's... Well it's stupid is what it is," He started. McCoy just cocked his head to one side and motioned for Kirk to keep talking. Swallowing Kirk started again his voice soft.

"It's this admirer nonsense. They are supposed to be here tonight mingling in the crowd. They sent me one last gift and the deal is if I show up wearing it, they will know that I'm taking them seriously and I will get to find out who they are."

Kirk watched McCoy's eyebrows shoot up.  "Well, are you wearing whatever it is?" He asked and Kirk nodded turning his head slightly so he was no longer looking directly at the doctor.  From the corner of his eye he saw McCoy nod with understanding.

"Is that why you haven't removed your coat yet? You're scared?" Kirks face burned with rage and embarrassment. He turned his eyes back to the doctor.

"I. Am. Not. Scared. "

McCoy's face remained impassive. "Right. Of course you're not. Perhaps a better word here would be cautious? There is nothing wrong with being cautious."

Kirk's mouth tightened into a straight line but he said nothing so McCoy continued. "So you're being cautious about this whole thing, because you're unsure of what your next move should be. You're wearing whatever, but you don't want to broad cast it to whoever, because... You're worried maybe? But what would someone like you have be worried about other than an assassination attempt?"

"Isn't that enough?" Kirk asked.  McCoy Shrugged. 

"Maybe. Maybe not. I'm going to say maybe not here, because of what has been going on. I really don't believe this person has any intentions on harming you. I think the reason that you're being so cautious is because you don't know what to make of this person. You're used to people trying to use you or kill you, and god know what else, but someone that has taken a liking you, has professed their love for you, has been showering you with gifts and affection. Well, that's out of your depth."

There was a silence then McCoy added, "You want my opinion? I say go for it, because what have you got to lose?  Oh, I know you think my might lose your command or whatever, but that's maybe. Nothing is certain except that right now you have a chance of meeting someone that could be the best thing to happen to you."

"What if they're not?" Kirk asked. McCoy shrugged once more.

"Then they're not and you move on, but don't waste this chance on ifs, mights, and maybes. We're human and we're not meant to be alone ,but that is what our careers force on us. This empty loneliness that's all consuming and because of our careers, we either die horribly or go mad and we do it alone. That isn't any kind of life and we shouldn't have to be alone, but you have a chance to overcome that. So, what's it gonna be? You gonna take off that coat and meet your admirer face to face, or are you gonna sulk and hide all night?"

Silence filled the room again. Kirk eyed the doctor and then with no hesitation  he let his coat drop to the floor.  There he stood in something similar to his uniform, but instead of the sleeveless tunic being glittery gold and made of some course fabric, it was a shimmering midnight blue silk. The slash around his waist and imperial sigil on his right breast were both sliver and tucked into the sash was an ornate dagger. McCoy blinked and nodded his head clearly impressed.

Kirk smiled a  little half smile as he picked up his coat and pushed past McCoy who smiled back with approval. He marched up to the young man taking the coats handing the man his pea coat. Then taking a second to remove a blue and silver mask from it, Kirk hand over the linen bag too.

He and Doctor McCoy left the atrium, heading toward the main hall. Kirk paused outside the large doors that would lead them into the ballroom and  turned to McCoy mask in hand.

"How do I look?" He watched McCoy's face as the blue eyes trailed up and then down and back up.

"If it doesn't work out with whomever, you be sure to come see me,"  he said giving Kirk wink and a leer. 

"You're too old for me," Kirk replied teasing as he donned his mask. He opened the large doors and disappeared into the brightly lit ballroom.  McCoy stood there a second smiling and shaking his head before  he put on his own mask, joining the festivities.

*****

The ball was something completely new for Captain Kirk; he had never attended anything like it. It was a formal function but it was not stuffy or uptight. People laughed and drank with abandon, but there were rules and etiquette that had to be maintained. 

When walked in the doors, he was announced and everyone stopped to look at him. He endeavored to show that this was nothing new to him as he made his way down the main isle to greet the High Chancellor and his family. Once those introductions were over there were so many more. It seemed that everyone wanted to meet the handsome captain.

More over everyone also wanted him to meet their young and available sons and daughters.  Kirk made polite small talk and as many excuses as he could to avoid dancing with anyone, but after while it couldn't be helped. So by one partner after another,  Kirk was dragged out on the dance floor.

Once while trapped in a waltz with a very dull young man trying to explain the mating dance of type of spider only found on Beta Crom 20, Kirk spied McCoy with a plate of hors d'oeuvres in one hand and a drink in the other. He watched the doctor give a smug little smile and lift his glass to him.

When Kirk was finally able to break away from his partner and avoid the waiting line of new partners, he made his way over to Mr. Farrell, who had taken a section of wall to keep as his post. 

"Mr. Farrell, how is everything here?" Kirk asked. 

"Fine Captain. Nothing suspicious seems to be going on and I checked all the food and drink they will be serving.  Everything appears to be okay."

Kirk nodded and added, "Has been anyone watching me tonight?" 

Farrell knotted his brow little as he answered, "Well yes, sir. Everyone. It would seem that you are, as my granny would have said, the belle of the ball."  Kirk ignored the chuckle from his body guard.

"Yes yes, but has there been an extra attention from one person particular?"

"Have someone in mind, Captain?" Farrell asked not sure what else to say.  Kirk pursed his lips in annoyance. 

"Never mind," He said before heading to refreshment table. As the night wore on Kirk was approached more and more by the other guests.  Some wanted to chat, others wanted to dance, then there were those that came right out and wanted to take him to bed.  Each time someone new approached him, his heart would leap in his chest.    _Could this be my admirer?_  But each time it would turn out to be just another Beta Cromian wanting his attention and he would be disappointed.

Finally Kirk decided to make a circuit around the room at one point, figure maybe his admirer just hadn't seen him yet.  He then stood at the refreshment table in plain view of everyone and smiled at everyone that walked by. He also continued to flood Mr. Farrell  with question about people's behavior, which only seemed to confuse and worry the guard.

"Sir, I think maybe we should go back to the ship," Farrell said after Kirk's last round of questioning. 

"What? No. We can't go back yet," Kirk said sounding a little frantic. 

"We can't, sir?" Farrell asked caution oozing into his voice. 

"Now we can't," Kirk answered flatly. His guard nodded slowly, but said,  "Okay, but I thought it might be a good idea. It seems that most of other guests are leaving and well... you seem... tired sir?  Perhaps it best we go."

Kirk felt Mr. Farrell place a huge hand on his shoulder and he started to shrug it off when McCoy walked up to them.  "Now that was what would I call a party. I say we call it a night," McCoy said cheerfully

"I was just suggesting that to the captain," Farrell said his tone far too soft and soothing for Kirk's liking.

"But we can't leave yet," Kirk said avoiding the look Mr. Farrell gave him. He heard the large man lean over to McCoy and whisper, "I think he might be over worked or something. Perhaps you should talk to him."

McCoy sucked on his lower lip and nodded, "I'll take care of this. You gather your team and meet us outside."  Mr. Farrell nodded and was gone.  Kirk looked around the ballroom one more time and saw that there were less people than before.  It would seem that the night was ending.

"They never showed up, did they?" He heard McCoy ask. Kirk shook his head as he watched more people head out the main door, some smiling and waving at him as they left.

"The bastard," McCoy said under breath and then added a little kinder, "Come on then. Let's head back to the ship and we'll have drink. That sounds good, right?"

Once again Kirk felt an arm wrap around him.  He wanted to shake the doctor off, to scream at him. To tell him that he did not need or want his pity, but he didn't. He was too tired and hurt to do any of those things. Sos he let the doctor lead him back to the atrium where they collected their coats and together they joined Mr. Farrell and the rest of the security team outside.

Once back on board the ship, Kirk waived off McCoy's offer for nightcap and headed straight to his cabin.  He underdressed out the costume and put on his lounge pants. He crawled into his bunk and waited.

 So what his admirer didn't show up at the ball? That just meant they would show themselves here in his room. _Better this way_ , Kirk thought. No one else around, so they could really talk and get to know one another. Kirk propped himself against his headboard and settled in to wait. _Any minute,_ he thought. _Any minute_. 

When he awoke the next morning with a crick in his neck from sleeping upright he tried not to be disappointed.  _They just didn't want to wake me, that's all._   He got up and collected a cup of coffee from his replicator.

He then moved over to his desk. He expected a note declaring his admirer's sincerest apologies about last night. That they would move heaven and earth to make it up to him. He expected another gift, something thoughtful yet showy to try to win him over once more.

He expected that he if stood there long enough, the person would just walk through the door of his cabin, unmasked and swoop him up in their arms.  They would caress his hair and face while professing their undying love him, then carry him to his bunk. He would COMM  Spock,  handing him the Conn for the day and bask in the warmth of this person who would adore him above all others.

_You are an idiot, Kirk._ Reality came crashing down at that moment and James T. Kirk had never felt more humiliated  in his whole life. He finished his coffee, his body shaking with rage as he did so and got dressed.  He threw the lounge pants into a corner and when he went to put on his boots, he picked up the standard issued pair, trying not to wince as he slipped them on his feet.

Marching out of his cabin, he did not watch where he was going and walked right into Mr. Spock. They bounce off each  and both of them landed on the floor. Kirk sat there sprawled and angry glaring at his first officer.

 "Watch where you are going, you clumsy thing," he growled while standing.  Mr. Spock did not answer right away, but instead stood, smoothed out his top and straightened his hair.

Once he was sure that he was presentable again, he replied, "My apologies, Captain. I did not see you there." Kirk eyed the Vulcan as he stood and took in the dark circles under his eyes.

"Jeez Spock. You look as bad as I feel. Rough night?" He asked his tone a little softer.

 Spock nodded, "Yes. There was a fiasco in one of the labs last evening and it was left to me to correct. It took me all night to do so too. I will say as a Vulcan I do not require a lot sleep but I do require some."

Kirk gave a mirthless laugh at that. "Yeah well, no rest for the wicked Spock and let's face it that would be us. Shall we go mind the store before those morons on the bridge start getting ideas?"

"That would be an excellent idea, captain." They walked side by side in silence as they made their way to the turbo lift. Once inside Spock turned to Kirk. 

"Forgive me if I am prying, but I take it the ball did not pan out."

Kirk frowned and turned towards Spock. "Let's just say that I was disappointed by something. All in all I would have been happier here on the ship."

Spock frowned ever so slightly.  "I am sorry to hear that, Captain."  Kirk's mouth turned up at the corners just a fraction.

"As am I, Mr. Spock. As am I." For a moment it looked as if Spock would say something more but right then the doors to the lift opened and Kirk stepped on to the bridge.

He took his seat and started barking orders at everyone to leave orbit and head to their next post.   For the remainder of that day Kirk sat quietly, seemly staring at nothing. There were  no threats, no flirting, no crass comments.

From their stations, everyone on the bridge took turns eyeing their captain, confused at his behavior. Mr. Chekov even tried bait him for a fight, but Kirk just turned his glaze to young navigator and said, "Chekov. Shut up."  After that Chekov quietly went back to his station and said nothing else.

No one else spoke the rest of that shift unless duty demanded it. When Kirk finally left the bridge to return to his quarters, everyone breathed a sigh of relief.  Back in his cabin, Kirk carefully collected everything he had been given: The flask, the boots, the pants, the book, the outfit, along with each note and place it all in a box to wait the time the ship passed a garbage scow.  

Then he went to the rec room and the first crewman that caught his eye he took back to his quarters. Once finished, Kirk promptly threw them out and went to bed alone. _The way it should be_ , he thought to himself as he drifted off into a troubled sleep.

*****

A week pasted and Kirk fell back in to his normal pattern of life aboard the ISS Enterprise.  He seemed to have leveled off emotionally and as long as he did not think about the events of the last two weeks then he remained fine.   He had not heard anything else from his admirer and for that he was thankful.

Then one evening he came in to his room after a long shift and found a large gold wrapped package sitting on his bed with a note attached to it.  Kirk tore the note off the box and read it almost knowing what it said before he read it.

_"To my Beloved Captain._

_It grieves me that I was not able to attend the ball and be with you. I understood from ship rumor that you had look splendid and I am sorry that I could not have witnessed your glory for myself. I understand that you are no longer interested in me since I have given you little reason to trust me, but I ask that you accept this one last gift. It was made for you to wear on New Years and regardless of your feelings towards me; I still want you to have it.  
  
_

_I will not lie to you though. I do have another motive here. I am asking for your forgiveness and that you will join me on the observation deck for the New Year tomorrow night. If you show then perhaps we can talk and still work something out. If not, I will understand completely. Either way I do ask that you accept my gifts and know that I never meant to hurt you._

_Forever and always I will remain your faithful and besotted servant."_

Kirk blinked. It had been what he expected but at the same time it still surprised him to read the words on the page. He cast the note aside and opened the box.  Under the colored tissue paper there lay a mound of green and gold silk.

Kirk licked his lips as he looked down into the box.  So they wanted another chance?  _Fine,_  Kirk thought. He had nothing to lose but if got he stood up again, he would tear the ship apart to find this person and make them wish they had never met him.   Smiling to himself, Kirk replaced the tissue paper and the lid to the box. He moved the box off his bed and gave it once last look before he headed back out of his cabin.

"Till tomorrow."

*****

As he entered the observation deck and shut the door behind him, Kirk felt more than a little silly. That feeling had not been helped by the strange looks he had gotten from the other crew as he made his way there.  Some people act as if they had never seen a grown man in a full Kimono before. He stood by the door nervousness eating at his resolve.  _That's it. I'm going back to my room and this will have never happened._ He turned and started to go back out the door, a voice broke through the silence.

"Captain? Is that you?" It was the same rough mechanical voice as before.  Kirk watched as from a corner of the deck a figure stood and walked towards him. They were not shrouded a hood and cloak, but dressed in a kimono made of black and silver and covering their face was an elaborate Kabuki mask.  They came right up to him and stopped. 

"Captain. You look remarkable."  The voice came out breathy and the sound made Kirk's knees weak. The figure held out a hand. "Will you join me?"

Kirk said nothing but gently placed his hand in theirs, hearing a hiss of breath as their skin touched.  He was led back a to a corner and saw that a short table had been laid out.

"My own version of Hatsugama if you will. Please sit," the figure said as they moved around to one side of the table and knelt down. Kirk followed suite and looked around.

"Are we the only ones here?" He asked. 

"We are. Does that worry you, Captain?"

"No."  There was a pause when Kirk said this. The figure titled their head and then spoke.

"Liar," they said.

"Mind what you say to me. I'm here for answers. I'm tired of playing your little game. Who are you? Tell me and that is an order."

There was a quiet pause and subtle tension between the two.  The figure across from Kirk said nothing but instead picked up a small bowl and scooped a measure of a fine green powder into it.  Kirk watched as they poured in hot water and using a Wisk made of wood stirred the mixture together. He then handed he bowl to Kirk, who took it frowning down into the liquid.

"It's matcha, Captain. A type of green tea that is used in tea ceremonies in Japan, even to this day. I, of course, will understand if you do not drink it."

Kirk set the bowl on the table and inhaled slowly.  "Are you going to answer my questions?" He asked his voice tinted with anger.  He stared hard at the figure that seemed to be observing him. 

"I will. I would like to say this first. I noted that you referred to this as a game but I never meant it to be such. I had every intention of approaching you directly, but in the end I became...not fearful, but another word perhaps..."

"Cautious?" Kirk supplied.

"Yes, cautious. The thought crossed my mind that if you knew who I was right way you would immediately scorn my affection as an attempt to do you harm, so I left my first gift secretly as I did with the second.  A thought had stuck me by that point. If you could accept my gifts without prior knowledge of who I was  then perhaps it would be to our benefit. It would show a measure of trust and what relationship can work without trust?"

There was  brief pause before they said, "But then I overheard you with the doctor and knew there was more here than earning your trust. I needed to show you your worth as a companion. I tried to that my first night in your quarters but I was too confident in my anonymity and behaved poorly."

Kirk snickered, "You still feel bad about that?" The figure seemed to straighten.

 "My conduct was unseemly. How can I ask you to trust me when I tried to take advantage of you like that?"  The tone was unmistakable and it made Kirk blink in shock. 

"I see." Kirk paused and licked his lips. "You know you keep mentioning trust, but I would like to point out something. You sit there before me, masked, your voice disguised and yet you ask me to you give you my trust.  You hide from me yet I'm supposed to lay myself bare. Doesn't seem very fair now, does it?"

Once more silence filled the room.  There was no movement from the figure before him and Kirk wondered what would happen next. He was half tempted to leave, to go back to his quarters and be done with this foolishness. Yet a small part of him warned that if he left now he would regret it, so he stayed and waited.

Finally the silence was broken by the figure. "You make a very valid point, captain."

"So, You'll take off your mask and tell me who you are?" Kirk's voice was edged with excitement.

The figure gave a resigned sigh. "Yes, but I ask two things. First I ask that you drink the tea. It is costly and I would hate for it to go to waste."

Kirk stared at the bowl on the table. He picked it up and after noticeable hesitation, he lifted it to his lips and took as sip.  He set to bowl back down hurriedly trying not to think about the fact that he may have just been poisoned. From across from him he heard the intake of air and breathy whisper, "Oh James."

It caused a blush to start creeping up his neck and he struggled to not let his embarrassment show.  "And the second thing?" He asked impatiently.

"Let me kiss you." This was said with such reverence, that it confused Kirk. 

"Is that all? Well sure thing. Come over here and pucker up." 

There was a noise that could have been an exasperated sigh as the figure stood and walked around the table. They knelt back down beside Kirk and carefully they brought their hand up to his face, lightly covering his eyes. 

"Hey! What are you doing?" Kirk tried to move away but the hand seemed to stay in place no matter how he moved.

 "Captain -- James, please settle yourself."  The voice was so calming that Kirk found himself obeying. He held still and closed his eyes behind the hand as he heard the rustle of cloth. There was a sound of something hitting floor next him and a sense of movement as Kirk tensed feeling cool lips press to his.

They pressed in gently, the mouth giving way to the shape of his own. There was the feeling of facial hair that prickled his skin. He felt the hand over his eyes move, softly cupping his cheek  and slowly he gave into the soft yet unyielding pressure of the kiss.

It was surreal this level of passion in something so gentle.  He found his breathing picking up and the kiss grew more demanding as he parted his lips allowing the other person entrance.  A cool rough tongue swept over his lips and moved its way inside his mouth.  It wound round his own tongue and caressed it in way he had never experienced before.  Kirk returned the gesture and heard the unmistakable sound purring from his partner.  It made him shiver and moan.

When they finally parted from the kiss, Kirk found he was breathless. He sat there he eyes still shut panting as a cool hand stroked his hair and face.

 "James, open your eyes. See me." The words were whispered but it was no longer concealed. Kirk's eyes open and looked into the sable colored eyes of his first officer.  He stared speechless as he caught his breath.

"Spock?" He managed to say finally and he saw the Vulcan's eye slight up.

"Indeed, James."

"It was you the whole the time? Why didn't you just say?" Kirk watched as Spock took up one his hands and held it.

 "And what would you have done if I had?"  Kirk paused to think about it and hung his head.

"I would have accused you of trying to trick me in order to steal my command. I then would have put in the agony booth on principle."

Spock nod once.  "Precisely.  Hence the reason for my approach." Spock leaned in their lips touching once more briefly.  Kirk smiled faintly and turned so that he faced Spock head on.

"So what now?"

Spock raised an eye brow. "Anything you want, k'diwa. I am thy servant. I only wish to love thee and keep thee in my company for as long thou shall have me."

Kirk looked down at the long fingered hand that griped his and slowly pulled away. "Look, I'm flattered but this really wouldn't work," He said and watched as the lights in Spock's eyes died out.  The grip on his hand loosed some, but then tightened again.

"James, please. I  beg thee, do not go. Do not spurn me.  Does thou not see that thou are everything to me? That I would give anything to have thee as my mate. Thee think thee as unworthy but thou are all I desire. Please stay. Let me love thee. Let me touch thee."

As Spock spoke, Kirk felt himself get pulled closer to the Vulcan so that their faces were almost touching.  He swallowed hard and peered into those dark eyes, he found himself falling into them. 

"Yes Spock." He whispered and the last of his defenses came down as Spock leaned in and kissed him for a third time. This kiss was harder, more demanding and Kirk melted into it as Spock wrapped his arms around him, pulling him into the his lap.  Their bodies pressed together and Kirk moaned into Spock's mouth.  When the kiss broke, Kirk nuzzled Spock's neck.  There was rumble from within Spock's chest making Kirk look back into the Vulcan's eyes.

Spock reached up and caressed Kirk's face,  his own face soften with affection, his eyes burning with desire.  "So my sweet Captain. Will you have me? Be my mate James and I will strive to give you the universe and all it contains."

Kirk smiled and kissed Spock slowly.  "Yes Spock. I will be your mate."  He watched Spock's face change as a tight little smile formed on green tinted lips. Spock then held out a hand to Kirk, the first two fingers together while the thumb held down the  third and four fingers. Kirk stared at this gesture, puzzled.

"Make you hand like mine," Spock said and Kirk mimicked the Vulcan. As he held out his fingers to Spock, he pressed his fingers to Kirk's and Kirk watched him shiver. There was echo of that in his own body making Kirk's body shake slightly.

"James, you are aware that we Vulcans are touch telepaths, yes?" Spock asked as his fingers gracefully  traced Kirk's own hand, his pupils growing wide in the light of the stars that shone onto the deck.  Tremors continued to move through Kirk's body as he nodded.

"Think about it,  taluhk-veh. What could be more intimate, more invasive to a Vulcan than a simple touch?"

Understanding finally dawned on Kirk,  make him chuckle. Spock's other hand came up and two fingers stroked his lips,  he smiled. He parted lips slightly and the fingers slipped inside Kirk's mouth.  Spock pulled in air through his teeth as Kirk started sucking on the fingers in his mouth, a faint moaning coming from both him and the Vulcan.

Suddenly the digits were pulled from Kirk's mouth with a pop. He licked his swollen lips noting that Spock's face and ears were flushed green.  He leaned in close as he could feeling Spock's erection through the layers of silk that still separated them.

 "Spock," He whispered watching the Vulcan's eyes refocus on him.

"Yes James," came the hissed reply.

"Spock, I want you to fuck me."  Kirk pushed all his lust into that one line and saw Spock's nostrils flare and his eye widen.  Suddenly Kirk was pushed on to his back and Spock scrambled on top of him. 

"Yes James." Kirk heard as the  bottom of his Kimono was parted and pushed up to his hips.  He lifted his hips and angled them welcoming Spock to enter him. Spock pushed aside the folds of his kimono and without ceremony he pushed  his cock into Kirk,  only the pre-cum dripping from the slit making the entrance easier. Kirk gasped loudly and then bit his lips to the burn, feeling Spock fill him. 

Spock made a soothing sound as he set up a rhythm, moving  slowly at first then faster as Kirk's hips started to push and pump in time with his own.  Their eyes locked together, as  their breathing and moaning were the only sounds on the deck . Occasionally "Spock" or "James"  could be heard mingled in with the moans.

Spock continue push in harder as his pressed his mouth the Kirk's, the kiss rough and hungry.  Kirk reached around Spock and gripped his shoulders hard, digging in his nails, wanting to pulled the Vulcan close to him.  He  wrapped his leg around Spock's waist the angle forcing Spock's penis to brush against his prostate with each stroke.  The sensation combined with the feel of Spock's silk clad body rubbing against his own cock, Kirk pulled from the kiss moaning loud.  Looking up into Spock's face Kirk melted under the Vulcan's stare.

"Spock-- I'm--unf--going to -- ah--come soon." 

"Yeeessss." Spock hissed out in Kirk's ear and the sound of it went right to Kirk's groin. His balls constricted and shutting his eyes he came his  mouth emitting  a silent cry.  On top of him, he felt Spock's body tense up and his  cock twitched as he pumped his seed into Kirk's body.  As Spock thrust one last time he lowered his mouth again to Kirk's ear and whispered, "t'hy'la."

Kirk had never heard the word spoken before in his lifetime, but the tone of Spock's voice told him everything he needed to know about that word and he wallowed in the sound of it. Afterwards they lay in each other's arms, a lazy smile on Kirk's face and a faint purr coming from Spock. 

As he listened to rumbling coming from beside him, Kirk's mind wandered till it met with the dark ugly part of himself. It scoffed at him and mocked him for what had just happened. It told him he was fool that should be stripped of his command and demoted back to ensign. It told him that Spock would take everything from him and he would die one night in his bed, the Vulcan's dagger sticking out of his neck. It reminded him that there was no one that could or would truly love him because he was broken.

"James, look at me."  Kirk turned his face towards Spock. The Vulcan's eyes were focused on him completely and the intensity of their stare stole Kirk's breath away.  

"There is something troubling you," Spock said and Kirk looked away not wanting to discuss any of what he was thinking.  In that moment Spock raised a hand and pressed it to Kirk's face arranging the fingers in certain way.

"What are you doing?" Kirk asked.

"I wish to meld our minds together. If that would be okay with you?"

In his mind that ugly side of him screamed no. That it would be the ultimate invasion of self and there would be no turning back after.   "Do it," Kirk said and almost immediately he felt something else inside his mind. It was sleek and graceful, possessing both power and beauty.  It soothed his thoughts and caressed him from within. 

Kirk gave himself over to it, to Spock and he felt that darker part of himself shut away where he could no longer hear its incoherent screaming.  Then the Spock in his mind enveloped him and filled him with such affection, warmth and love that when the meld broke Kirk found tears running down his face. Spock said nothing but wiped away the tears and stood lifting Kirk to his feet.  As He pulled them both towards the door,  Kirk paused.

"Spock wait... I..."

Kirk was silenced when two cool fingers pressed against his lips.  "It is done, James.  Let us retire to your quarters. I find that I have not had my fill of you this night and a bed would be far more pleasing than the floor here."

Kirk kissed the finger on his lips and gave a laugh. "Well if that is what you want, but I hope you can keep up." That made Spock's eyes glitter with amusement. 

"We shall see who can or cannot keep up."  With that Spock pulled Kirk to him fiercely and they left for Kirk's cabin, only stopping to pull a yeoman aside letting her know that someone was needed to tidy up the observation deck.

 

**One Year Later**

Kirk rolled his shoulders trying to remove the tightness there.  It had been another long day on board the ship and as he strolled down the corroder of deck five towards his quarters, he was glad to put it all behind him.  As he approached his cabin he noticed a familiar figure waiting by the door.

"What do you want?" Kirk said sounding grouchy but not unkind.

Dr. McCoy's eyebrows rose and he frowned, "Well that is no way to greet someone."

Kirk gave the doctor an exasperated look, "It is when it's you and I'm tired."

McCoy rolled his eyes, "Whatever princesses. Besides I wasn't here to talk to you but to your boyfriend. Where's Spock?"

Kirk shrugged. "How should I know? Did you check the labs?"

McCoy glared at him, "Yes. I check the labs. I checked all of them and his quarters. I can't find him anywhere, so I thought I would check here. I don't know if he's here now,  but I do know he's been here."

McCoy pointed a finger at the cabin door and Kirk noticed a small white box hanging down by some string.  He took it down and opened it. Inside was a folded piece of paper that he quickly took in his hand before McCoy could snatch it away.

"Do you mind?" Kirk growled.

McCoy shook his head. "No. " Clicking his tongue in irritation Kirk started to unfold the note when he stopped and peered at McCoy.

"Don't you have something you should be doing? I thought you were looking for Spock?"

"I am, but this is more interesting at the moment." After a pause and a meaningful glare from Kirk, he added,  "Besides since I have no love life of my own, I find myself living vicariously though you two assholes."

Kirk gave a resigned sigh and opened the note holding it so McCoy could read over his shoulder.

_"To my beloved James,_

_This Solstice I wanted to get you something truly special. The gift itself was not difficult to find but presentation is everything. I have set up a bit of a hunt for you. Good luck finding your gift quickly. Taluhk nash-veh k'dular._

_Forever I remain your faithful and besotted servant,_

_Spock."_

McCoy shook his head. "Never in all my years  would I've ever pegged him for a hopeless romantic. What's that bit at the end say?" 

Kirk felt his face redden. "I forget, " he quickly lied.

McCoy look was incredulous. "I'm sure you have. Whelp, let's go in and find that gift."

"We?" Kirk was jolted out his moment of embarrassment by the doctor pushing past him into his quarters. He followed McCoy in but was stopped dead in his tracks.  From the ceiling of his cabin hung dozens of tiny white boxes.

"Someone's been busy," McCoy said as he reached up and pulled down a box. As he pulled, the lid came loose spilling sliver glitter all over him.  As McCoy sputtered and swore, Kirk doubled over laughing, much to the doctor's irritation. 

"Oh shut up. Geez, who puts glitter in a box?" McCoy grumbled as  Kirk continued to laugh. Still smiling Kirk stood upright and reached up  for a box over head. He pulled on the box and  the lid on it came loose as well. He braced himself for a pour of glitter but found the little box had been full rose petals instead. He chuckled looking over at a very angry McCoy.

"How about that, Doctor?" Kirk said gleeful.

"How is it that I get a mouthful of glitter and you get rose petals? Story my fucking life."

"At least it wasn't sand," Kirk supplied helpfully.  McCoy made a face as he turned towards the door.

"Might as well have been. Tell your boyfriend that I'm kicking his ass when I see him."

Kirk laughed some more as the doctor left and then turned his attention back to the tiny boxes.  Some were filled with more rose petals and there were those that were filled with more glitter, as well as paper confetti and pieces of candy.  After opening all the boxes he could see and had no present to show for his efforts, Kirk stood in the center of his room frowning. Then a thought struck him. He went behind the divider in his cabin and there on his bed sat one more little white box. Kirk opened it eagerly and smiled broadly at what he saw there.

*****

Spock entered Kirk's quarters, tired but satisfied by the day's work.  He noticed that all the boxes he had hung were now gone and there was a faint trace of glitter on the floor.  Just then he heard a sound in the direction of the bed.  On a nearby table he tossed off his phaser and dagger as well as the sash the two hung from. He let his mouth curl up the tiniest fraction of a smile as he removed his tunic and the silk undershirt. 

He kicked off his boots and swiftly moved towards the bunk. There he found his mate, nude, on the bed, his legs under him, propped up on some pillows, waiting for him. The amber colored eyes shone as he was given a salacious grin.

"Hello Spock." He heard,  Kirk's voice deep and lush sounding.

"James, my t'hy'la." Spock's tone echoed that of his captain's. He crawled into the bed and pulled Kirk towards him.  "Did you find your gift?"

He watched Kirk nod. "I did."  Spock's hand trailed down Kirk's body savoring the lines and curves.

"Do you like it? Do you accept?" He pressed his foreheads to Kirk's and let out the breath he was holding when he heard. "Yes."

Spock lowered them both down on to the bed and listened happily to sounds his mate made while they copulated. Afterwards when they were both clean and tired, he pulled his mate to him once more. He felt a hand go to his chest and nest in the mass of dark hair there. He looked down at it and saw gleaming among the curls a band of white gold resting on a finger.

Turning his eyes to the sleeping form of his mate, he heard Kirk sigh and start to snore softly. Placing a soft kiss on his mate's head,  Spock whispered to him, "And I will forever remain your faithful and besotted servant."

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: Hatsugama is a Japanese tradition. It is the first tea ceremony of the year and is usually a fancy affair.
> 
> Thanks for reading, Happy Holidays and remember reviews are cheap and easy holiday gifts.


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